Ten Tried and True Ways a Nobody Can Become a Somebody Via the
Internet
Ever want to be famous?
We all secretly harbor delusions of gandeur, but luckily, the Internet
has provided even the least likely celebrity candidate the ability to blog,
film, podcast, tweet, blip, digg their way to pseudo-stardom. So, if you want to be famous, take a page
from one of the following totally ordinary people that are legends in your living
room because of the big bad "inter-web."
(I've noticed something most of the following have in common...
sex. Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs
anyone? I'm thinking if you stay down at the
bottom of this pyramid, you just might be successful on the Internet.)
1.
Chronicle your sex life and you just might get a
book deal
a.
Tucker Max
If you are easily offended, don't go to this site, if not...
please, go and enjoy the fruits of Tucker Max's debauched lifestyle which he so
willing chronicles. This is simply the
most disgusting and grossly entertaining site on the Internet. So entertaining, I had to buy and read the
book, twice. This guy is a pseudo Ivy
League (Duke simply does not play in our League, but it is still a decent
little education) educated lawyer that basically blogs about his drunken sexual
exploits in the most hilariously despicable stories you will ever read. He is the modern day Marquis De Sade with a
pickled liver and insufferably sacrelicious ego.
The Book: I
Hope They Serve Beer In Hell or you can get the autographed copy (however,
having read the book and the blog and having seen CSI and learned about "transfer"
I might not recommend it unless you have a black light and luminal.)
b.
Washingtoniene - Jessica Cutler
In 2004 while a staff assistant for Senator Michael
DeWine, Cutler published a short-lived blog called Washingtonienne
describing her life in Washington, D.C. which included graphic details of
her sex life which eventually led to huge sex scandal (because she is an idiot
that was chronicling her hooker job with politicians online and simultaneously
pissing off the only friend she had that knew both about the hookering and the
blog) and a spread in Playboy.
Archive of the blog that took Washington by storm: Washingtonienne
The most damning piece of puerile, ridiculously whorish
thing in her blog....
Cutler identified her lovers by their initials: "F =
married man who pays me for sex. Chief of staff at one of the gov agencies,
appointed by Bush."; "W = a sugar daddy who wants nothing but anal.
Keep trying to end it with him, but the money is too good"; "RS = my
new office BF with whom I am embroiled in an office sex scandal. The current
favorite."
At the end of the list, she added: "Shit. I am fucking
six guys. Ewwww."
2.
Be a Geek and talk about totally geeky things in
a condescending or negative way, even criticize your own employer, you just
might get a book deal out of it.
a.
Robert Scoble
Robert Scoble (born January 18, 1965) is an Americanblogger, technical evangelist, and author. Scoble is
best known for his popular blog, Scobleizer, which came to prominence during
his tenure as a technical evangelist at Microsoft. He is married to Maryam Ghaemmaghami Scoble. He
has two sons, Patrick, from a previous marriage, and Milan. He currently works
for Fast Company as a video blogger. He is also the
co-author of Naked Conversations: How Blogs are Changing the
Way Businesses Talk with Customers with Shel Israel.
Basically Scoble was a total dick while at Microsoft often criticizing
his own employer and praising its competitors (such as Apple Computer and Google). He was unusual in the level of access he offered to
his users, which included publishing his cell phone number on his blog and
urging people to contact him directly with issues, as well as accepting
comments on his blog. His support for Microsoft in his blog, however, drew
controversy and in February 2005, he became the first person to earn the newly
coined moniker of "spokesblogger."
J. Michael Arrington is a serial entrepreneur and the maintainer of TechCrunch, a blog covering the Silicon Valley technology start-up communities and
the wider technology field in USA and elsewhere. Magazines such as Wired and Forbes have named Arrington one of the most powerful people on
the internet. In 2008, he was selected by TIME Magazine as one of the
most influential people in the world.
3.
Be the first person on a social network and whore
yourself out to everyone by saying you might be bi-sexual and you might get an VH-1
reality show
a.
Tila Tequilla
A breakout my space unsigned music star
Tila's page has netted 31.5 million hits, has her own clothing line, a cell
phone endorsement, and she has appeared on the cover of Stuff Magazine as well
as Maxim. And she even got an MTV show
out of it. Tila was basically one of the
first members of MySpace and actually helped it grow its use and membership in
the early days.
Who doesn't know who Matt Drudge is? Matthew Nathan Drudge is the American
proprietor and editor of the Drudge Report, a conservative news aggregation
website that that in 1998 broke the news which later became the Monica Lewinsky scandal. I love this guy and I am unashamed to admit
it. He totally took news that no one
else had the balls to publish (Newsweek and USNews were both holding onto
information about Monica, Linda Tripp and a little black dress but claimed the
intel was not trustworthy enough). Yet,
one lowly little blogger, has the chutzpah to go the distance and post it on
his little blog and that little act resulted in the ever infamous "I did not
have sex with woman" and the ever popular "it depends on what your definition of
"is" is." Oh yeah, and that little close call with impeachment of a Democratic
President.
5.
Support a presidential candidate on YOUtube with
a sexy video
a.
Amber Lee Ettinger
singing 'I Got a Crush...On Obama'
Got no talent? Fear
Not. Take a page from YouTube celeb,
Lisa Nova and go crazy funny on Sarah Palin.
6.
Pretend to be something you are not, attract
pedophiles and cash in on your YOUtube status
a.
Jessica Rose (Lonleygirl15)
and her fictional teenage life are the model for this web of lies that resulted
in an internet phenomenon and surprisingly not an FBI sting for "To Catch a
Predetor." Basically, "Bree" complains
about how lonely she is to her webcam and hungry men everywhere tune in. The discovery that Bree was actually actress
Jessica Lee Rose received much media coverage in September 2006. Jessica turned her YouTube celebrity status
into a real career with parts in Sivertson film I Know Who Killed Me, which starred Lindsay Lohan but received terrible reviews and the ABC Family TV series Greek.
7.
Call yourself a model, take some semi pro pics
and setup a website and eventually other people will think you're a model and eventually
get called to host a TV show about gambling, which has nothing to do with modeling
(and they wonder why we all think models are dumb)
a.
Cindy Margolis
Cindy
Margolisemerged as a star in the early days of the Internet. She was named Yahoo! Internet Life magazine's
"Queen of the Internet" from 1996-1999. She also found her way into
the 2000 Guinness Book of World Records as a
result of being the "most downloaded" person in 1999 - a statistic
that has no way of being accurately measured. At the
age of 34, the peak of her popularity, Margolis was downloaded 70,000 times in
a span of 24 hours. Cindy turned her
internet fame into multiple spreads in Playboy and teamed up with the World Poker Tour to become the new hostess for Chipleaders.
8.
Film yourself with a live WebCam 24/7 and take
donations
a.
Jenni Ringley - JenniCAM
In April 1996, during her junior year at Dickinson College, the 19-year-old Ringley
installed a webcam in her collegedorm room, and provided images from that cam on a webpage. The webpage would automatically refresh every three minutes
with the most recent picture from the camera. Anyone with Internet access could
observe the often mundane events of Ringley's life. JenniCam was one of the
first web sites that continuously and voluntarily surveyed a private life. Her
first webcam contained only black-and-white images of her in the dorm room.
From
1996 to 2003 viewers around the world could tune in 24/7 to see updated
pictures of Jenni
Ringley cleaning the kitchen, to taking a nap for 15.99 a year. Jenni closed
down the site in 2003 due to PayPal's pornography rules. Basically, in the end there ended up being
more than just cleaning the kitchen and napping going on which is likely why it
had so many viewers. I, myself, logged
on and tuned in from time to time but all I ever saw was the napping and cleaning
the kitchen which was totally boring, I also did not find her particularly
attractive, so I never really figured out the allure of the whole thing.
9.
Become a raging QUEEN and publish some totally
catty gossip about celebrities and get Fergie to write a song about what an ass
you are
a.
Perez Hilton
Working as writer for gay magazines
Mario Armando Lavandeira Jr. quit his job and since September 2005 has been
working under the surname Perez Hilton. Sued twice, his blog site tripled hits
when he was the first to post pictures of Angelina, Brad and Maddox in Kenya,
and also the first to post Collin Farrell's sex tape. Hits jumped in one month
from 70,000 hits per day to 700,000 making Perez a celebrity in his own right.
Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr. is an Americanblogger and television personality. His blog is Perezhilton.com
(formerly PageSixSixSix.com), which he writes under the pseudonymPerez Hilton. On his website, Lavandeira
posts gossip items about musicians, actors and celebrities. He often posts
tabloid photographs over which he has added his own captions or
"doodles." His blog has garnered both positive and negative attention
for its brash attitude, its active "outing" of alleged closeted homosexual celebrities and
for its role in the increasing coverage of celebrities in all forms of media. On March
11, 2005, within the first six months of Lavandeira's blogging career, PageSixSixSix.com
was named "Hollywood's Most-Hated Website" by The Insider, catalyzing an initial
surge in its popularity which temporarily crippled its server. Pop
singer Fergie has confirmed that she is referring to
Lavandeira in her 2006 song "Pedestal," in which she criticizes an
unidentified person for making negative remarks about her on the internet. On July 13, 2007, Lavandeira announced on the
tv show The View that he will star in his own reality television show on VH1.
The series of six one-hour episodes, titled What Perez Sez, aired its
first part on September 11, 2007
10.
Over choreograph a music video involving
treadmills and maybe you too can get asked to perform at the MTV Music Video
awards
a.
OK Go - Here It Goes Again
The video features a boy band dancing
choreography on treadmills. Choreographed by front man Damian Kulash's sister
Trish the band practiced 16-20 times before they landed the single take that
became one of the most watched clips in you tube history. The video made for
only $4.99 (the cost of the videotape), the video became one of the most
downloaded videos in you tube history. I
think this video is like Internet Prozac.
Every time I feel blue, I watch it and laugh until I almost pee
myself. There is just something so ridiculously
funny about grown men spending their time choreographing a dance on treadmills in
a high school gym. Can anyone say, none
of these guys has ever gotten laid? This
video was so hilarious that OK Go appeared live at the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards performing
their treadmill routine for "Here It Goes Again".
If you really do want to laugh until you pee yourself, watch
this : Jamie Lynn Reproduction Rap
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b.
Washingtoniene - Jessica Cutler
a.
Cindy Margolis 
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